Q: What should I do when I feel anger rising up in me?
A: Take a step back. Witness your anger. Why is it there? Are you wrestling with reality, telling reality that something should be other than it is? This is the first step in dealing with your anger, seeing how your ego wants things rather than what really is.
Another reason why anger pops up is because it may be more acceptable for you to feel anger and dictate the way a situation should be rather than deal with the more threatening emotions that your ego is trying to cover up with anger. Are you scared? Are you embarrassed? Keep asking yourself why you feel these emotions beneath the anger.
Usually, if you do it with sincerity and persistence, they will bring you back to a core reason for this anger. Once you get to this core issue, feel the feeling of this core issue. Watch how this core issue makes your ego react. Witness this. This will dissipate the energy from this core issue and unravel the whole stack.
For small things, this may happen quickly. For larger things, it may take much longer and take much more courage and inner honesty. But once you get to this core issue, and you learn the truth of your anger, you will either be able to take more effective action if action is required, or your perspective will change, dissipating your anger, allowing you to be happier, more relaxed, and at peace.
Either way, you win with this practice.
Q: What should I do when someone is angry at me or treats me unkindly?
A: The best thing to do is to try and put yourself in their shoes. What are they feeling, what is their perspective? What are their past experiences in life, and how is this affecting their point of view now? How are they viewing you?
This practice pulls you out of the duality of victim/victimizer, and puts you into the experience of compassion. There’s always a reason why someone acts in a certain way, and usually it has very little to do with you. Usually the person who is experiencing anger is acting reactively from their ego. Don’t take it personally.
To take it personally puts you at odds with the person, which the person can consciously or unconsciously perceive, and keeps the drama going. To see the person compassionately usually takes the energy out of the anger, and often times will take the person back, out of their angry state, and make them realize that their anger has very little to do with you.
Of course, to practice this takes time and dedication with identifying more with the watcher than your ego. Be patient, and practice this consistently. Often times it will resolve and issue. If it does not, it will free your energy up to make much better decisions.
Should you confront this person about their anger? Should you discontinue associating with this person because of their anger? When you are watching from the witness instead of reacting from your ego, the choice will become clearer and clearer with time.